But

Questions emerge and burn themselves into my skull

(on the inside-

people can see my odd expressions as I

try to read these painful messages

but they don’t really know

what I’m doing, I

really don’t think most of them care-)

-Was there ever any room for me in your life?

-Were you looking for a servant?

-A robot to complete all tasks

you didn’t particularly want to do?

-Someone to send out in search of the

inglorious dollar

while you

hoped you could sit at home

and stuff your face with bon bons?

-Is there really stuff like this happening in relationships these days?

-Does nothing ever change?

Okay, so I’m depressed?

I’m physically run down and

getting over another wonderful winter cold.

And I’m not doing my yoga breathing exercises.

So maybe everything seems worse

than it really is.

But do you know who I am?

Does anything I care about mean anything to you?

& Why did I think you were any different

from all the self absorbed…

(never mind the stupid terms that flood my brain

like ‘bimbos’ and worse…)

Why did I think you were worth the trouble?

-Are you? Have you ever been? Did you even try?

—eh

————— I don’t even want to sign this.

——-Deej

———((( I’ve been praying as I go to bed lately that ‘Only positive forces, positive entities, angelic beings, positive emotions, positive ideas and positive inspirations come anywhere near me as I sleep.’))

———The following happened during about eight hours of sleep interrupted by pet noises, pets jumping on me, and trips to the washroom:

———#1.) was a kind of interactive hippy summer of love movie.

-It felt like a “pick your character and live the part” novel, maybe a kind of ‘understand the world by dreaming it’ experience. which was odd. As I’m waking up I’m wondering why I experienced something like this, but while it was happening, I had the feeling it was a directed, learning experience. Directed by whom? not sure, a benevolent source to be sure. I was wondering if there’s some new dream course in understanding history being offered to earthlings or something like that.

—————strange, but enjoyable,

———#2.) Two women, one I definitely recognized as Cindy G. from the post office I worked in, were deeply involved romantically with the same man. At one point in the dream I was wondering if they had major self-esteem issues if they allowed themselves to go on with this relationship. They obviously knew what was going on. Then it was revealed that the guy had ‘mafia connections’  and was supposed to murder one of them (I was pretty sure the intended victim was not the woman I recognized, she was blond, short and slight, did not resemble anyone I could remember) But he found her so good in bed that he was going to get away with keeping her alive as long as possible. (This didn’t feel dark and creepy until after I woke up and my ‘normal waking consciousness’ had a chance to click in.) ((Then my attention turned to wondering how Cindy is doing these days, last time I saw her she was pushing a baby stroller in a major shopping mall in Milford, CT.))

———#3.) A turn based strategy game: Sustain your corrupt government while building infrastructure.  I don’t know whether every player had a different set of ethics to play within or whether all of them were supposed to be trying to get away with sustaining a corrupt system as long as possible. With each turn the player got a different ‘intelligence’ packet that included a stolen wallet with identification, money and credit cards, and their in-game ‘agents’ had to use that money and credit cards while pretending the wallets etc. were evidence in criminal investigations. The players were totally immersed in trying to establish as much infrastructure as they could, and claiming all their ‘progress’ to increase their government’s popularity and insure re-election. upon waking up I was wondering how close to real life this ‘game’ was.

—————Jim

I started a story here. I thought it would pop a tab up the top where anyone who was silly enough to look at this blog would see it.

(I’m not really the most savvy blogger on the planet. I usually stick to AppleWorks for my writing.)

So maybe the tab will pop up or maybe anybody who might be really interested will have to go looking for it. I started the page with “Fiction : “

And I’m so burnt out I don’t know what the rest of the temporary title is.

(((Do I need a reason? Rachel told me she wants to move in with her boy friend.)))

((((( EEEEEK! )))))

—————Deej

So an indignant caller phoned in and demanded, “Sounds like you’re saying that all religions are right, aren’t you?” I heard stuff in the callers voice that made me think he believed the scientist was an agent of the devil.

So here’s what I’ve come to believe:

There really is only one Religion. (big R) Religion is the study of ultimate reality.

All the great Teachers, Prophets, Divinely inspired Individuals, Healers, Saints, Sages, Gurus, whatever- Are in total agreement about what is ‘out there’
and inside us all, etc. Their messages have had to be strained through the lens of local cultures, wherever they emerged and did their Teaching and all that.

Everybody has their own take on the meaning of life, what their rights and responsibilities are, where we come from, where we’re going- Some people worship logic, some worship wisdom, some worship comfort, some worship riches.

Reincarnation can only be proven experientially, If you can leave your body, you can travel in time. If you can travel in time you can follow your spirit self/ soul back through time and forward through time. (and maybe through variations of this life? quantum theory?) Given reincarnation, life in this world is your own experiment in living your philosophy. When you do it the hard way, every time you hit a miserable dead end you know a little better for next time. You gradually drop all your precious delusions and come to find out what you’re all about and what life is all about and what we’re doing here and what the Divine Plan actually is.

So everybody has their own understanding of religion. Everybody practices their own religion. Some of them are right on the money, or whatever. Some of them are way off the mark.

But everybody’s religion is right for them. Even if it leads to their rapid undoing and painful end.

All real Religions have bits and pieces of the ultimate truths of life.
For a Religion to offer its followers a viable pathway to the Ultimate, it has to cover their bodies, minds and ‘souls’.

There are some ‘religions’ that are pure fraud.

But oher than that, All Religions are Right, up to a point. and that point is, their teachings and practices have been screened through the veils of their culture.

—Confusing enough for ya?

—————Jim

A small black kitten appeared outside the back door, which was only a thin screen door, and wanted in. I thought that was a bit strange, since the kitten had wanted nothing to do with the bear, even if it was in a good strongbaby bear cage. I also thought I should let the kitten inside before it changed its mind. (I don’t have any kittens these days in real life) But anyway, before I could get up from my book and let the kitten inside a huge black bear started walking around, sniffing in the back yard and the baby bear cried out in distress. I wondered if I could get the kitten and get us both inside the stronger ‘real’ back door before the big black bear busted through the screen door to either rescue the cub or eat it. (I thought it might be too big to be a Momma Bear.)

I then had a hard time getting up. It was like some ancient dreams where I found myself half way across a road, unable to move while a truck was bearing down on me. I’ve also had this feeling when I knew I was dreaming and was trying real hard to wake up. But I hadn’t realized I was dreaming the bears and kitten.

As soon as I managed to force myself to move I turned toward the screen door to rescue the cat and realized I was in my bed waking up from a vivid dream, not valiantly trying to rescue a kitten from a big black bear.

—————Doug

— uh… I wrote this last night… :

Writer’s Block.

My head catches on fire when I sit down to write.
my brain aches, my soul hurts, I want to cry.

I wonder if I’m under attack
by something dark
that wants to keep me silent

Or am I afraid
that anything I say
will only
unleash more darkness

into this world?

Stories, entire sagas
play themselves out in my dreams

I talk to the lost,
I meet the families of those
who know they are dreaming
I explore parallel worlds
they look
way too much like this one.

but sometimes
I contact angels
who show me their craft

When I tell a friend
he says I’ve been blessed

When I wonder out loud
if I should ask angels for encouragement, or guidance, or teaching

my friend growls darkly
and says no no no no
you don’t ask angels anything

you ask God
and maybe God
will send an angel to answer

and my head  aches
and my brain burns
my neck and shoulders and my whole body hurts

so much anger here,
so much fear.
and even those who run to God
turn to snap and spread fear without thinking.

~~~~~d.j.o.

-Yesterday was “Everything Happens at Once Day” in our area. We had requests to cover at least 4 events. We made it to 2 of them.

-It was 0˚C  (32˚F) at 9:30 am when we got going and promised only to get up around 5˚C / 40˚F, which would still be a degree above seasonal average here.

-The Body Mind & Spirit Health Show in Renfrew was one of the events we covered. We’ve been to all three of the annual Renfrew shows and more or less knew what to expect.

-Maybe because so many things were going on today, maybe because of the economy, or ‘who knows?’ The Health show had fewer people come in to check out the alternate health providers and so on who came to this year’s event.

-But, there were a few pleasant surprises.

There is a woman out of Ottawa who is trying to set up a Spiritual Community.

There was a couple (Raven’s Calling) who had an array of interesting crystals and bags of herbs on their table. They also have a Raven for a totem/part of their name. We bought small crystal pyramids and a Lumerian Seed Crystal from them (I’ll have to add details later.).

Gordon Olmstead was there again, we learned that he is 23 years old, and both Cathi and I received treatments from him. We feel amazing after these treatments and much more open to subtle surprises in the spiritual realm.

We also got Cathi a new and happily responsive pendulum and bought me a couple crystal wands from another crystal person who is a REgistered nurse and a Reiki practitioner.

-Dreams.

-I had a semi-lucid dream. I was pretty sure I was dreaming and I had a bit of a feeling that I might stay in whatever dimension I dreamed myself into. I noticed that the atmosphere and surroundings were solid and unchanging. Someone (a woman) approached me and told me I would be tested and I should wait where I was until she called me. That’s when I noticed that the room she was doing the testing (verbal questioning) in had a lot of green trim, looked like metallic details like maybe steel I-beams and rivets. I don’t know if I ever was tested by that woman but someone asked me if I knew what “Bess’” last name was. I answered “Eaton?” (there is, or at least was, a Bess Eaton chain of donut shops in the USA.)

-Interesting, I hope I didn’t fail my test.

—————Jim

-My friend, Jim, in Canada, can deal with drums going ‘thump’ any time, day or night. He and Cathi have one hanging on their living room wall in the eastern corner of the room. Mine was sitting on the television holder (“Media Center”) which, since I got a flat panel television, has a lot more room than it used to on the television ‘perch’.

-I did not have my wits scared out of me, I just kind of felt warm and grinned, like I knew that whatever or whoever was thumping ‘hello’ was friendly, meant nobody any harm, and maybe had a message for me from ‘beyond’(?).

-When I sort of asked “Who’s there?” and tried to see in the semi darkened corner of the room, All I could see was a point of light up near the ceiling, then maybe a mildly blurred circle of something radiating out from the point.

-I didn’t actually hear anything, but I ‘felt’ the message, “Members of your family that you haven’t seen in a while will need you soon. I want you to meditate with me”

-Woa.

-So I closed down my computer and went and tried to meditate (I am not the world’s best meditator). -It felt like I had help, got deeper than usual, & when I sort of received a couple visualizations, felt thrills that did not scare me, although I remembered reading somewhere that it wasn’t necessarily a good thing to feel anything unusual while meditating. I felt connected to the light and felt safe,unthreatened-

-I couldn’t actually get any information, no easily understood message. When I asked questions like, “What kind of help are these family members going to need? If it’s financial, are you going to hand me a winning lottery ticket?” I felt a minor qualm, like maybe it was blasphemy to ask for a winning lottery ticket, but I did not feel chastized, so I went on, “If it’s ridiculous for me to ask for something like a winning ticket, will you tell me? So I don’t waste any time and energy believing it just might be possible?” -I didn’t get any answer to that, not even a feeling like, ‘We won’t honor such a ridiculous question with an answer.’

-All I felt was better and more open to positive energy or positive input or something like that, than I have in quite a while. When my arthritic aches and pains restated themselves I got the assurance that I should go to bed and hang on to the feeling for as long as I could. (and of course, as soon as I closed the door and got comfortable, Rachel’s cat started scratching on the door and meowing, no end. I finally managed to ignore the cat completely and went to sleep.)

- I went into a series of dreams, connected with places I know I dreamed about years ago. -Walked into a bank in dreamland that used to be a radio studio in a student union that exists only in dreamland, it’s in a building that would be in the middle of a soccer field here in this world. (similar landmarks, different buildings, sometimes I realize I’m dreaming when I’m moving down a road I recognize, but go past houses or other buildings that are not the same as they are in the ‘real world’.)

-I dreamed I was driving to Boston, stopped off in Springfield, went into a store that only exists in dreamland, where I know I’ve stopped several times before, looked around for other stores that belong to a kind of co-operative group of artists and musicians, writers etc, who know me, maybe from a previous life, maybe from another aspect of this one. One person told me, “For a while there, I didn’t think you’d make it, you know you’re on the agenda for tonight-” and showed me a schedule of writers and poets who were supposed to read from their current projects that night. I was speachless- stunned, felt like saying, “How the [heck] did you know I’d be here, I didn’t even know I’d be here.” And I looked around for the sandwich counter (where they used to make deli sandwhiches for customers in this -part book store, part coffee shop-) and I was quite depressed to think that the sandwich shop had closed down because of not enough interest.

-Then I was talking to this guy whose Volkswagen beetle (the old style) whose body was in really good condition, (blue body with a white top, It might have been a convertible, I’m struggling to remember that part.) had died on the side of the road. I thought of a friend who would love to get his hands on one of those and I bought it from the guy in the dream, he went away and came back with the paperwork, title and all that while I was magcally pulling a car dolly out of the back of my jeep. (real life car dollies are wider than a jeep and in no way would fit back there.)

-Anyway, I woke up, with a minor headache, probably from breathing the dust in the bedroom, wandered around, made coffee, had breakfast, talked to the cat, told him that Rachel still loves him, even if she is away at college- (My Canadian friends would correct me and say she’s away at University) Realized I didn’t take my allergy pills last night. (also realized I didn’t take the other creepy stuff I’m supposed to take three times a day for three months to get rid of a fungus that hit me out of nowhere, I promise I will not joke about being used by the shadow government to test their creepy mind control or death rays or anything…)

-And then Rachel called and said she’d be visiting next weekend, bringing a load of laundry (it’s cheaper for her to carry monster bags of laundry home every now and then than to cart them to the on campus laundry center. Believe me, Universities do not exist to make life easy or cheap for their students.)

-”Oh,” I said, “I had a dream that an angel told me that some relatives I haven’t seen in a while will need my help pretty soon, was that you?”

-I could hear her swallow,”No- but I got email from cousin Rick and they’re having pretty scary times. Uncle Paul goes through hell every couple months thinking he might be among the next batch of people to get laid off.”

-I hope the universe doesn’t expect me to support Rachel’s uncle Paul and his family. My ex-wife’s family all looked down their noses at me, and when she went nuts and ran away with the wacky cult that has since been indicted under California law for defrauding members and donors out of ‘donations’, they blamed me. Paul especially had nothing good to say (or think?) about me from the day he met me. I just wasn’t on his kind of fast track to riches and ‘influence’ (okay, the guy’s a corporate supervisor /”hatchet man” who really enjoys throwing his weight around, he derserves to go through hell, his family doesn’t) but the ‘angels’ couldn’t be so mean that they’d expect me to actually live with the jerk, could they? Give me a winning lottery ticket, I’ll buy him a house in the section of town surrounded by people he delighted in firing because they couldn’t produce fast enough to beat his stop watch. grrrrr-

-((( Oh yeah, * symptoms: I spent way too much of yesterday feeling like something wanted me to get drunk. I don’t drink. Something wanted me to get drunk or high and was trying to manipulate me with images of me receiving nearly miraculous insights from the chemicals it wanted me to take. No way. So what do I do? ask my co-worker in front of the boss if he’s back sliding? Tell them boh that I have this feeling that he’s in trouble because his demons are attacking me, trying to get me to embrace drugs and alcohol? Jeeze, it would make more sense to just go and put on a straight jacket and tell them about the unicorns and spirits that are playing drums in my living room when nobody else is around.)))-

—One more thing, though, I got the feeling that the ‘angel’ or whatever, who came to see me, and probably thumped the drum, was afraid that I was feeling suicidal, like the attack from the negative spirit registered more as me feeling like getting high or jumping off a bridge or something than as an attack by a mean spirit that meant me harm. (shrug- one more thing I need to find out about next time I get an open line to: “What exactly is going on here?” with God or Somebody who would actually know.)

-dj0

I’m sitting here staring blankly ahead, listening to Coast To Coast A.M.

Wondering what I was about to say here.

So I guess things are back to normal?

—————Jim